Cho Cho Bua and Shant foi with random cousins
Cho-Cho (Shashikala) was the oldest. Even in her older years I remember her as a tall woman of great stature, with jet black hair (never dyed) and very fair skin. She was married at a very young age to a young man from the family home town of Kapadwanj. By the time she was 22 years old, she was the mother of 2 boys and a widow. The cruel ritual of Sati was banned by the time this happened. However, even then widows were required to shave their heads bald and wear white saris for the rest of their lives. They also could not adorn themselves with flowers, jewellry or any other decorative objects. Society expected them to merely exist in the background, taking little, raising the children and awaiting death.
Very fortunately for Cho Cho bua, her mother-in-law did not subscribe to the thinking of the times. She was allowed to keep her hair. But she did have to give up all adornments and opt for the simple white sari.
Mom remembers an argument between Cho Cho bua and her mother Rewa Ba. Cho cho wanted to wear her hair with a part in the middle. Rewa Ba telling her that as a widow, she could only wear it pulled back. Cho Cho bua was only 24 years old then - condemned to live without heed to fashion remaining functional and never allowed to appear attractive.
While Cho Cho bua was not allowed to appear attractive, she was encouraged to become independent, which was a very rare privilege for women of that time. Her mother-in-law took over the responsibility of raising the 2 young boys while Cho Cho bua went away to college to study . She stayed in a hostel at the college, and returned to take on a job as a teacher in the local school in Kapadwanj.
This ended up being a career with many good results, as she was able to raise her children with the support of her mother-in-law. She was able to make up for the dent in the family finances following her husband's death. And every summer she was able to take the kids to Haldwani on vacation. Most importantly, the teaching career gave her a place where she could express herself in a gainful manner. And it gave her a pension guaranteeing her an income till she died in 2008 at the age of 81 or thereabouts.
Certainly a lonely and difficult life,but one that might have been much worse had her mother-in-law not encouraged and supported her independence.
