Choksey Family Reunion 2008 - Warning Very Long Post !

They say you can never go back !

And even if, by some miracle, you do get close – it is impossible to recreate that special feeling you experienced.. or even the same group of people.

And so it was that as we made our way to the 2nd family reunion it was a smaller group that made its way to Modi Farms in Karjat. Several of the people from the first reunion were there. Several others had promised to come for the day on Saturday. A few new ones had promised to join. And the driving force behind the 2006 reunion – Nitin mama and Judith were with us, though only, in spirit.

Modi farms in Karjat is actually a health resort and a spa – from the outside the rooms look similar to the vacation bungalows in Lonavala that we spent summers at – inside they are functional – furnished with twin beds, ACs, shower, geyser, refrigerator etc. Not a luxury resort by any description, but adequate. One of the early comments was - Alibag was much nicer ! Hear hear.

The biggest attraction of the spa is that you can get a massage – and very thoughtfully someone booked up all the slots for the women upon our arrival so we could each have a massage.

I must say though that Sita masi’s “Kapda kadh’ in the massage room, immediately transported me back to that day in Kishore Bhuvan when I had the runs – after eating a whole can of Kraft Cheese - and needed to keep going to the bathroom. I was about 6 years old then !!!

The massage put everyone into a nice relaxed state of mind ready for the evening’s festivities. Minal’s older girl Maia ran around with her hand in Amaya’s happy to have found an older sister. There was a cricket match on TV and so the afternoon slipped into evening.

Mihir has learned to mix a new cocktail – a Vanilla Twist . Hema has learned to make Sangria – and whether you have fruits or not, as long as you have the vodka it is just fine.

The temperature was a balmy 20 degrees Celsius and we sat on the patio feeling the gentle breeze eating the bajri wadas that Charu’s mom had made for us, and the Ahmedabad nu bhussu that Anjali had brought. Wafer king, Suresh mama, had got some fancy wafers. Life is good !

Now you can only eat and drink for so long – we soon switched to Antakshari – that Anjali is an amazing one – she knows lots of songs, and she knows all the wild ones - Yahoooooooo!!! Chahe koi mujhe jungli kahe.. The senior Choksey sisters and Hansa mami sang several old songs and bhajans – several of them sounded like they had made them up on the fly – as Mihir said - just how many can there be ? And Hema introduced us all to Uttam bhai’s favorite childhood chant – “ Jag ne jadva, kem lagyo padva, val ni dal te kem khadi ? “ This all but scandalized the adult Chokseys – not sure whether it was the blasphemy or the fact that she actually said "padva" out loud or both.

14 months after Alibag and a full 26 months after when she first learnt it – Hema’s Kajra Re routine was in dire need of a revamp (no – I did not call her a vamp or a vampire – stop causing trouble) – she just needed to take some new lessons.

But it neither stopped her from dancing, nor did it stop the audience from asking for more. Minal swore she was now inspired to go see the movie. When we told her that it was from Bunty or Babli, she said she had seen the movie, and tried to stop (unsuccessfully) herself from saying she did not recall seeing anything that resembled the dance (True, Hema is very much like Aishwarya Rai, but the hair is different, there is just a tiny bit more of her than Aishwarya, and in the dark, it is very hard to see the resemblance - especially when Hema goes without makeup).

The next morning there was breakfast, swimming and a round of massages.

Sudhin – cowed down by the admonition of his older sister to not turn this event into a path-shalla had dutifully left his book of avant garde feminist poetry in Ahmedabad - yes our Sudhin –cowed down, avant garde, feminist and a poet – imagine !.

The poetry last year was along the lines of “How would the Indian woman have defined herself had Sita refused to take the agni pariksha to prove her purity ? How would she have defined herself had Draupadi refused to be married to a Pandava and be shared between 5 brothers ?..........and so on.

True that that is all I remember from that morning – but isn’t it more than you remember from most mornings ? And isn’t it powerful ? I still remember that sense of sereneness and togetherness that we all experienced reading this wildly provoking poetry – Anila masi read, Hema translated – mostly with accuracy , and every so often with a slight vanilla twist.

And so there was no philosophical discourse ala Alibag style that morning. But Anila masi and Hema had a plan for the afternoon – to welcome Ramesh bhai and the Kotharis.

Around 11 we settled down and did a mock path-shalla run. Then we decided to play Choksey Trivia – the original plan was to see if we could test the family on old skeletons. Given that we put Minal and Hema in charge of this event – the 2 who left the country before they could speak Gujarati – what chance of them recognizing a Choksey skeleton even if it walked upto them and knocked on their forehead –this was proving to be a little difficult .

So they decided to give it a contemporary twist (very smart those 2) . They aksed which Choksey sister was the prettiest in her youth, and had the most suitors – no one wanted to touch that one. They pretended they did not understand the question. And finally Minal and Hema gave up – it was a trick question after all – Sumitra masi was hands down the prettiest if you were to go by the available photos – but bhen or ashru masi could have been – we just don’t have good photographs. Bhadra masi was pretty good looking too – and I am sure we Bachu mama has some really good stories about Anila masi and Sita masi. But no one was willing to comment. And so reluctantly they dropped it.

The next question they wanted to ask was “Who wears the pants in the family ? “ Given the Choksey sisters legendary spirit of taking control, and the Choksey man’s penchant to run the world, but bow to the wishes of the lady of the house – this was becoming a difficult one to answer as well. Minal and Hema decided to drop the question as it had a distinct possibility of dragging them both into the playing arena – them being slightly bossy and all… .

Instead, they asked the assembly the apparently innocuous “How many great grand-children would Lilavati Gordhandas Choksey have today ? “ Can you guess how many times they had to explain the question ? Since they did not know the answer either – it was a difficult one to judge.

The results had to be computed several times with counting on many many fingers. In the end, the results were disputed between the parties with no clear resolution and the matter was temporarily interrupted with the arrivals of Ramesh bhai and the Marfatias – once again all traveling in the 1 sedan – and no Apurva, this time I did not catch a picture.

The Kotharis and Ramesh bhai arrived – and we asked the question again – same result, different answers. Does anybody know ? I mean is Piya – Dhruvbhai’s grand daughter - to be included in that number or not ? What about her father Shashwat ? And what about Aishani’s son ? Next generation you say – then what about Judhith’s grandchildren ? What about the children of partners of people that have been divorced ? Answer: to be re-discussed on the parivar website.

Shaila bhen brought some wonderful Pistachio mithai from Dubai – there was a strict process – take just 1 now, leave 1 for later. Rajesh and Hema both took Nita’s share to give to her, they also tried to take it on behalf of a few other people and got yelled at. Then Shaila bhen went for a walk leaving the box unattended on a chair. Rajesh and Hema wasted no time in emptying the box. Nita never got to taste her mithai forget about more than 1 piece. In fact most people did not get more than 1 piece – except of course Rajesh and Hema.

We started the Path-Shalla. We talked briefly about “Not postponing Joy “ the key message from an email Judith had sent out that morning. Some people were engaged, but quite frankly it just wasn’t the same without Sudhin’s poetry. And path shalla does not work at noon – it has to be in the morning.

So people listened politely but all attention was on the promised game of Housie. When did this crowd turn into a bunch of senior citizens clamoring for bingo evening ?

Weren’t we all climbing into and occupying every inch of Mota Mama’s Landmaster just yesterday ? And at the Hanging Garden with Sita masi and Dr. Vaidya – with onlookers telling Sita masi she looked too young to have so many children ?

Housie was hosted by the young Choksey sisters - Amaya and Maia (Age 8 and 3 or something like that respectively) . Aria (the baby) tried to participate - but because she was the youngest she was told to go take a nap and let the grown ups manage this. (Remember what that was like Nitin mama ? Nita ? Apurva ? )

The grown-ups tried their usual “game the system” stuff – old habits die hard – this could have worked, had Nita not appointed herself as the custodian of the little ones . However, Hema did get away with taking Rs100 from Sudhin and buying tickets for several people with that money. But the Kotharis ended up being the big winners sweeping off all the prizes.

Housie, lunch, trivia and it was time to pop the champagne – Mihir and Sangeeta’s 15th anniversary, Sudhin’s birthday, Shaila and Madhukar’s anniversary. So many other events too but heck who needs an excuse for champagne ? or for the Lemon Twist that Rajesh brought

Papa decided he had had enough of this sitting around asking questions business – was Matheran really that close ? So he and a few others climbed into the car and drove off to see what lay outside the Modi farms. Remember the trip to Prakruti at Alibag ? Amazing how a story like that can take on new dimensions over time.

Hina, Jay and Sania arrived in the evening with their hammock and more alcohol. None of them drink – what the heck are they doing with alcohol then ? but we were too grateful to ask – they brought a Smirnoff Vanilla Vodka, and some great scotch – and there was more drinking and off-key singing until the crowd was ready for a round of dumb charades.

While there was no “Murde mein jaan hain” this time Minal had come armed with several ugly ones like Intermezzo, Samson and Delilah, 20000 Leagues Under the Sea and etc etc.

Dhruti did very well with Intermezzo but she had to yield to Mihir for a couple of ugly ones. The setting made it very hard to cheat – it was dark, and for some of us our hearing and eyesight was not what it used to be….

Every time we play this game, I learn more techniques on how to play this game and win just by watching Mihir and Sangeeta – and I learn a bunch of new stuff about Aviva mami – she is just like one of the kids – just a lot smarter.

Anyway the weekend was coming to a close and Minal just could not stop commenting on how this Choksey family was very different from what she remembered – she could not believe all the alcohol being poured – frankly Minal, neither could the people drinking it –where did it all go ?

Day of Departure

The morning tea thing just wasn’t working out to the satisfaction of the Chokseys so on Sunday morning, Minal packed her children into Mihir’s car and drove upto the restaurant to collect the tray of teas. With all the jerks and coughs – it’s a surprise that the tea did not spill over. I think Mihir was keeping an eye on it. She came back with this large tray covered with some 20 cups – no saucers, most chokseys have stopped drinking out of saucers for a few decades now.. Maia carried a plate of the most incredible freshly made Karjat batatawadas. Mihir followed behind her with the car keys.

I had walked back for a bit, but when I returned – a sensational skeleton had just been outed.

An agitated Sudhin came upto me and said – You will not believe what I just heard. I am shocked, I am astounded – I cannot believe it. You will never guess in a million years.

Minal had the look of the cat that had eaten the canary – Finally the skeletons are coming out !

Sita masi had the look on her face of – Are these people mad ?

Kisan masa was saying – and I thought I have been a part of this family for so long, I knew everything. I am in shock. Anila masi was apologizing. Apologizing – Anila masi !

What the hell ? Charu and I had only been gone 10 mins.

Sudhin said it started with a conversation about Bruno and Sarkozy. And even Ramesh bhai did not know – And he was sure Madhukar did not know. And he would bet Nita and Rajesh…….

Bruno and Sarkozy and the Kotharis and Marfatias ? Can you give me a couple more clues ? Maybe just one.

Its too much – I cannot believe it… more shocked mutterings from Sudhin and Kisan masa.

Finally, after what seemed like forever – someone told me – Bhen was masa’s second wife. And I went – “And the skeleton is … .?” Sudhin looked at me look I was the densest creature he’d met – THAT is it - Neither Kisan fua nor I were aware of it for all these years.

I told him I’d known forever, this wasn’t news. I turned around to Charu – and asked her – she said I knew from before I was married !!!! This isn’t a skeleton.

I asked Hina – Bhadra masi’s daughter who is just getting re-acquainted with us – even she knew.

“I did not know. No one told me. All these years growing up in Kishore Bhuvan – I thought I knew everything. And now I find out. I was missing the basiscs.” The fact that this was a completely irrelevant fact to everyone present was lost on both Kisan masa and Sudhin – particularly Sudhin.

And as he continued muttering he mentioned that he'd know about the one person and then another - and before we knew it, 2 brand new and, equally irrelevant skeleton like things had tumbled out at rapid speed – I knew about neither.

I think Sudhin is back in Ahmedabad still trying to figure this out.

But for that morning we managed to make it past that to a discussion about the Inner Circle, the Outer Circle and the people who were in Orbit in the Choksey parivar.

While the members of the Outer Circle (Sita masi, mummy, Urmila mami) and the Orbit (Hina for Bhadra masi) were very vocal about it, the members of the Inner Circle struggled with acknowledging its existence.

I am thinking we will never know the true story. Perhaps there was an inner circle inside that inner circle. Perhaps the members were motivated by strong protective instincts to preserve social order and the Choksey family………. And perhaps these were the natural forces at play… With the passing of each year this will become even more difficult to get to the bottom of.. and perhaps that is ok. Perhaps a quest for the truth is not as valuable as the lessons we can learn from it. And certainly not as valuable as the heritage of its existence and the influence it has had on each of us.

I will leave that one for the next Path-Shalla. Anila masi – listen up !!!

And so we all left Modi Farms that morning happy and content – especially Suresh mama – who got the 2nd massage of his whole entire adult life – the last one being some 40 years ago at a 5-star hotel for the handsome sum of Rs. 40. And mummy demonstrating that at 80 something she has truly crossed over from Choksey to Shah or is it Margulies ? by tipping her massage lady a handsome 25%. Way to go mom!